International forum: Gentlemen only - Have you ever checked your partner’s cell phone?
Share this topic
15 Jan 2014 12:12

Every week, I get asked some
variation of the following question:

“I know I shouldn’t have, but I
looked through my girlfriend’s cell
phone. She’s talking to her ex. How
do I confront her about it without
looking like the bad guy?”

As someone that’s lived through this...
scenario, I’ll start out by saying that
you’re missing the point.

You looked in the cell phone for a
reason, right? Perhaps your girlfriend
suddenly added a password to her
phone. Perhaps she’s been spending
time with friends more often, or
is being secretive and vague when
you ask her questions. You know
something’s off, but you can’t quite
put your finger on it. So what do
you do?

You look for proof.
Your girlfriend goes to the bathroom,
your eyes laser beam over to her cell
phone, and before you know it,
you’re scrolling through her text
messages, looking for a reason you
feel a knife twisting in your gut
every time she says she’s going out
with friends..
Well this same theme plays out in
many different ways in relationships.

Maybe you don’t check her phone,
but you look through her emails
instead. Maybe you feel sick to your
stomach every time she goes out
and you don’t know where she is.
Maybe you’ve even gone as far as
following her to work and spying on
The bottom line is that you don’t
trust her. But more importantly, you
don’t trust YOU! Something’s up
and you can feel it in your gut.
Don’t ignore that feeling. Trust
your gut.
It’s not about whether or not you
found someone in your partner’s
phone. It’s about trust. You must
be able to trust your partner, and
you must be able to trust yourself.
So for all of you considering checking
your partner’s phone that haven’t
yet pulled the trigger: Don’t do it.

Stop trying to control the situation
and start taking responsibility for
what you can control: YOU. Why do
you need proof that cheating is
occurring to acknowledge that you
don’t feel safe in the relationship?

Speak up, confront the issue head
on, and have a conversation about
For all of you that have already
checked the cell phone, and that
stumbled upon some suspicious text
messages or phone calls, I gently say
to you wake up.

I’m not saying to approach your
partner with boxing gloves on, ready
to fight. But I am saying that if it
looks like a duck, and quacks like a
duck: It’s probably a duck.
If you’ve checked the phone and
there’s nothing there, this is still
your issue. What really prompted
your concern? Was it an old wound?
Self-worth issues? Fear?
Be honest. Go and have a real
conversation about that twisting
feeling in your gut. Figure out
what’s really going on, and if that
twisting feeling won’t go away do
not ignore it.

Trust yourself to make the right
decision. Trust your gut.
Have you ever checked your partner’s
cell phone? What did you find?

Edited by Mobofree / 15 Jan 2014 13:42
10 Aug 2014 01:57


2 Feb 2015 15:11

yes most times

Edited by _BABez_kiD_ / 2 Feb 2015 15:11
2 Feb 2015 15:11


2 Feb 2015 15:14

Quote by ANTIDOTE1

2 Feb 2015 15:23