the m0st imp0rtant part 0f getting what u want may be asking f0r what u want..drumming up the c0urage and confidence t0 ask f0r a raise, respect in a relati0nship 0r a better grade will pay 0ff in the l0ng run..learning h0w t0 rec0gnize ur desires and deftly ask f0r what u want is an imp0rtant skill..
decide what you want.. if you dont know what you want, you can’t ask for it..think about your desires until you are no longer ambivalent or confused about what you want..
make sure someone
can give you what you
want.. if the thing you
want is subjective, such as “a fulfilling life,” you cant ask someone else to provide it for you..take responsibility for things that others, such as children or spouses, dont have the ability to directly provide..
establish objectives for
subjective desires.. for example, decide what would make a life more fulfilling..if you decide a vacation would help you feel fulfilled, you can decide to ask for vacation time at work and ask your partner to use some of your combined savings for a vacation together..
write down what you
want.. verbally expressing yourself to others is much harder than writing down goals on paper..pretend like you are writing a letter to the person you intend to ask..
get creative.. if you’ve gone through this process and still dont know how to make what you want into something quantifiable, talk to someone who helps you tap into your creativity..take an art class or a hike in a natural setting, which can help you think more creatively about a problem..
be reasonable.. if you are requesting a salary raise, make sure it is something you know the company can give..if you are hoping to spend more time with your family, make a request for weekly family activity time, instead of daily..
ask for what you want
soon after starting
your conversation.. dont give the other person a chance to get distracted..you have segued with the previous step, so jump into it..
be clear.. assume that no one is up to date with what you want and why you want it..avoid the temptation to assume people are “mind-readers”
be honest.. dont make up reasons why you should get what you want..if you must use reasons, pick 1 to 3 important reasons why this affects you and state them succinctly..