Nigerian forum: Romance & Friendship - 13 Tips To Make A Good Relationship Great
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16 May 2015 13:35

1. Do the things you
did the first year you
were dating. As the months and years
roll on, we tend to slink
into our proverbial
sweatpants and get lazy
in our relationship. We
lose our patience, gentleness,
understanding and the
general effort we once
made toward our mate.
Think back to the first year of your relationship
and write down all the
things you used to do for
your partner. Now start
doing them again. 2. Ask for what you
want. Over time, we assume
that our partner knows
us so well that we don’t
need to ask for what we
want. What happens when
we make this assumption? Expectations are set and
just as quickly, they get
deflated. Those unmet
expectations can leave us
questioning the viability of
our partnership and connection. Keep in mind
that “asking for what
you want” extends to
everything from emotional
to sexual wants. 3. Become an expert
on your partner. Think about who your
mate really is and what
excites him or her (both
physically and
emotionally). We can
become consumed by what WE THINK he/she
wants, as opposed to
tuning in to what truly
resonates with the other
person. Remember that if
it’s important to your partner, it doesn’t have
to make sense to you.
You just have to do it. 4. Don't ask "how was
your day." At the end of a long day,
we tend to mentally
check out of our lives and
consequently, our
relationship. We rely on
the standard question, “How was your day?”
Generally, that boring
question will yield a boring
answer such as, “Fine,
how was yours?” This
does nothing to improve your connection and
instead, can actually
damage it because you're
losing the opportunity to
regularly connect in a
small way. Instead, try asking things
like, “What made you
smile today?” or “What
was the most challenging
part of your day?”
You’ll be amazed at the answers you’ll get, with
the added benefit of
gaining greater insight
into your significant
other. 5. Create a weekly
ritual to check in
with one another. It can be short or long
but it begins with asking
each other what worked
and didn’t work about
the previous week and
what can be done to improve things this coming
week. Additionally, use
this opportunity to get
on the same page with
your schedules, plan a
date night and talk about what you would like to
see happen in the coming
days, weeks, and months
in your relationship.
Without an intentional
appointment to do a temperature check,
unmet needs and
resentments can build. 6. Keep it sexy. What might change in
your relationship if both
you and your partner
committed to increasing
the behaviors you each
find sexy and limiting those that aren’t? Think
about this in the
broadest form. “Sexy”
can certainly refer to
bedroom preferences, but
it also represents what excites us about our
mate in our day-to-day
lives. Do you find it sexy if
he/she helps with the
housework? Do you find it
"unsexy" when he/she uses the restroom with
the door wide open? Talk
about what it specifically
means to "keep it sexy" in
your relationship. Be
amazed, be humored, be inspired! 7. Get creative about
the time you spend
together. Break out of the “dinner
and a movie” routine and
watch how a little novelty can truly rejuvenate your
relationship. On a budget and can’t go big? Jump
on the internet to look
for “cheap date ideas”
and be blown away at the
plethora of options.
Can’t afford a sitter? Try swapping babysitting
time with friends that
have kids. It’s free and
they will likely be thrilled
to take your kids because
they will get to take advantage when they
drop their kids at your
place. 8. Get it on. Unless you have
committed to an asexual
partnership, sex, sexual
contact and touching
(kissing, holding hands,
cuddling etc.) are vital components of a romantic
relationship. The
frequency is of course, up
to you and it's imperative
that you discuss your
ideas about it in order to prevent resentment. Rare
are the moments when
both partners are “in
the mood” at the exact
same second, but that
doesn’t mean that you have to decline their
advances. Remind yourself
that you will almost
always “get there” after
the first few minutes and
that an intimate interaction of any kind
builds connection and
elevates your mood and
health. Bear in mind that
you are never required
to say “yes.” If you truly don’t feel it, the best
thing you can do is to
postpone. Just make sure
that you initiate or
accept within a
reasonable amount of time thereafter. 9. Take a (mental)
vacation, everyday. Life and work distractions
can become paramount in
our minds and that leaves
little time or energy for
our partner. Practice the
art of “Wearing the Relationship Hat.” This
means that (barring any
emergencies or deadlines),
we are fully present when
we're with our mate. We
truly hear what they are saying (instead of
pretending to listen), we
leave our distractions
behind and we don’t pick
them up again until the
sun comes up and we walk out the door. Some tips to improve
communication Sadly, we aren’t born
with the innate ability to
effectively communicate
but it doesn’t mean that
we can’t learn. Use the
following techniques to better navigate and limit
the tension in your
relationship: 10. Take "fight
breaks" when you
need them. Before you’ve hit the
point of no return and as
you see the stress
beginning to escalate, one
or both of you can call a
break so that cooler heads can prevail. The
crux of this tool lies in
the fact that you must
pick a specific time to
revisit the conversation
(I.e. 10 minutes from now, 2:00pm on Tuesday etc.)
so that closure can be
achieved. 11. Dig deep to
unearth your true
feelings. In most disagreements,
we communicate from the
“Top Layer,” which are
the obvious emotions such
as anger, annoyance and
the like. Leading from this place can create
confusion, defensiveness
and ultimately distract
from the real issue. Start
communicating from the
“Bottom Layer” (i.e. What feelings are really
driving your reactions
such as disappointment,
rejection, loneliness,
disrespect etc.). This type of expression
creates an instant sense
of empathy because it
requires honesty and vulnerability to share from this space. Tension
will dissipate and from
here, solutions can spring.
Just be sure to use kind,
non-reactive phrasing
when expressing these bottom layer feelings,
such as “I felt hurt by…”
as a replacement for
“You’re such a jerk”
etc. 12. Seek to
understand ... not
agree. Easy in concept, difficult in
application. Conversations
quickly turn to arguments
when we're invested in
hearing our partner admit
that we were right or when we are intent on
changing his/her opinion.
Choose to approach a
conversation as an
opportunity to
understand your significant other’s
perspective as opposed
to waiting for them to
concede. From this
perspective, we have an
interesting dialogue and prevent a blow out or
lingering frustration. 13. Make your
apology count. It’s well understood that
apologizing is a good thing
but it only makes a real
impact when you mean it.
Saying things like “I’m
sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you see it
that way” are a waste
of time and breath. Even
if you don’t agree that
your action was wrong,
you will never successfully argue a feeling. Accept that your mate
feels hurt and from this
place, a real apology can
have a significant impact.
When you love your
partner and hurt them (intentionally or not) you
can always legitimately
apologize for the pain you
caused regardless of your
perspective on what you
did or didn’t do. You are now, officially
armed with the
comprehensive exercise
routine to fully reshape
your relationship. Trim the
fat and build your hottest relationship for life!

19 May 2015 21:27

Nice write up