Kenyan forum: Jokes - JOKES CRAZY
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25 Jul 2014 17:23

HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love.
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes.
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender.
WIFE: (turns blender on)
reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye.
Another day
HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender
WIFE: (turns blender on)
reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love
goodbye
The next day, the husband
decides to
go home without
notice, and finds his son alone and he asked
him son where is your mother?
SON: I don't know, she went out with the
blender.
Wat Should The Husband Do

Edited by wiffyy / 25 Jul 2014 17:25
25 Jul 2014 17:26

At the end of a lecture, the
teacher asked the student
whether they had any questions to ask.
MUSAMBATI : Sir! I don't understand the topic.
TEACHER: Hmmm. You should have listened to
what I was teaching.
MUSAMBATI : (murmuring) this is the most
stupid teacher I have ever seen.
TEACHER: (angry) WHAT DID YOU SAY
MUSAMBATI???
MUSAMBATI : Sir. You should have
listened to what I was saying.
Lol..One Word For Musambati?

25 Jul 2014 17:26

HEHE JOKE....
Kulikuwa hakuna kazi kabisa.
Njoroge akashindwa kuvumilia ukosefu wa
kazi akaonelea atoke akatafute kazi popote.
Akajipata katika hifadhi ya wanyama ya Nairobi.
NJOROGE: Naomba mnisaidie kupata kazi hapa
MSIMAMIZI: Samahani hatuna kazi, lakini
tunahitaji tu mtu wa kuvaa mask na costume ya
nyani, ajifanye nyani awafurahishe watalii
tumlipe elfu hamsini kwa mwezi.Utaweza?
NJOROGE: Sina kazi bwana sitaacha hiyo pesa
Njoroge akaanza kazi.
Kufungiwa kwa cage akiwa na mask, kurushiwa
ndizi nawatalii, kurukaruka,
nakadhalika. Siku moja akawa ametoka kwa
cage amekaa pale nje kuchekesha watalii.
Mara akaona simba anakuja.
Njoroge akatimka mbio
huku simba akimfuata. Njoroge akakimbia
akipiga
nduru akasahau yeye ni
nyani. Akasimama kwa
miguu miwili akakimbia sasa kama mtu. Akalia
kwa uoga na kupanda kwa mti mara moja huku
akijua yuko hatarini.
Alipokwea mtini ndipo
simba akaja akasimama chini ya mti, akatoa
mask nakumwambia, 'washa uoga, Mimi ni
Kamau, hata mi niko kazi kama wewe..'

25 Jul 2014 17:28

Tunaomba Serikali:
*Itoe uswaggerific kwa
madem wa Nairobi, ipatie
Waturkana;
*Inyang’anye wakalenjin ka
mbio
kidogo igawie watu wa pwani;
*Ichote maji kidogo indian
ocean,
imwage Pavillion;
*Inyang'anye KU library ipee
Maasai Mara;
*Inyang’anye dida wife
mmoja,ipatie maina kageni;
*Inyang’anye wapwani ka
kiswahili
kidogo,igawie wajaluo;
*Inyang’anye wajaka ka
romance kidogo,igawie
wakikuyu;
*Itengeza tha road to success
ikue super highway ndo kila
mtu afike haraka;
*Inyang’anye Miguna Miguna
na
kabando wa kabando jina
moja
ipatie Nameless;
*Inyang’anye shirandula
unono
kidogo ipee erick omondi;
*Inyang’anye nzi ujinga ndo
ianze
kutengeneza asali;
*Iambie coca cola wajaze soda kwa chupa.

28 Jul 2014 19:31

KAMAU and NJORO were both
patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking
past the hospital swimming
pool, Njoro suddenly jumped into
the deep end. he sank to
the bottom and stayed there.
Kamau promptly jumped in to
save Him, he swam to the bottom
and pulled Njoro out.
When the medical doctor became
aware of Kamau'S act, he
immediately ordered him
discharged as he now considered
him to be mentally stable. When
he went to tell Kamau the
news, he said "Kamau, i have
good news and bad news, the
good news is you are being
discharged, because you were
able to jump in to a swimming
pool and save the life of
another patient, I think you have
gotten well enough and
the bad news is that, the patient
you saved hung himself
with her bathrobe belt in the
bathroom, I am sorry, he is
dead."
Kamau replied, he did not hang
himself, I put him there to dry!

28 Jul 2014 19:33

Ochuko and Zeky were travelling to the city in
the same bus.
In the bus, Ochuko persistently reminded Zeky
about the money Zeky was owing him, asking
him when he will pay back.
Suddenly, armed robbers attacked the bus.
They made them lie down on the rough
surface of the road and
demanded money
from them, one after the other.
Before they got to Zeky, he
suddenly threw
his wallet in the direction of
Ochuko and said, "Ochuko, that is the money I
have been owing you for a very long time, I have
paid you o."
Assuming yu were Ochuko what'll yu do??

28 Jul 2014 19:33

How To Bully
A guy was looking for a place to sit in a crowded
UON university library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside
you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT
TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at
the guy,
He was truly embarrassed and moved to
another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly
to the guy's table,
and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and
I know what a man is thinking.
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The GUY then responded in a loud voice:
"KShs 500/- FOR ONE NIGHT!! ISN'T THAT TOO
MUCH?"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in
shock.
The guy whispered to her:
"I study law and I know how to screw people "

28 Jul 2014 19:34

Her: Which teams are playing today?
Him: There is no match today.
Her: Oooh! It's over? So who won?
Him: It's not over yet. They are just resting
today.
Her: Oooohh... So they are on halftime?
Him: Aah! Sure. They are on halftime.
Her: So when are they starting the 2nd half?
Him: (Bored) tommorow.
Her: So Drobag will be playing tommorow?
Him: It's Drogba dear; and his team was
knocked out.
Her: So which team is remaining?
Him: Uruguay.
Her: The one Suarez plays for?
Him: (Happy) YES!!
Her: At least we will watch Suarez.
Him: Suarez was banned. He won't play
anymore.
Her: So they will play with less players?
Him: No. They will get someone else.
Her: Who will they put?
Him: (Angry) I DON'T KNOW!
(Long Silence)
Her: (Innocently) I hope they put Drobag.

28 Jul 2014 22:05

Mwangi visited his friend Kilunda.
Kilunda called his wife and
asked her to serve them drinks.
when the wife was done
with the serving, she sat down
right opposite
Mwangi with
her legs open. Mwangi
could not control himself so he
enjoyed the view.
when Kilunda went inside
the house, Kilunda's wife said
to Mwangi, "do you like what
you see"?
Mwangi said YES. Kilunda's wife
said , "you can have it, but
it will only cost you Ksh10,000,
and Mwangi
agreed so they fixed a time, 12pm
the next
day when the husband Kilunda,
will be at work.
So the next day, Mwangi came over at the exact
time and they enjoyed
themselves then he paid her.
When Kilunda came back later in the evening,
this was what transpired between them;
KILUNDA: Honey was Mwangi here today?
WIFE: [AFRAID] yes
KILUNDA : At 12pm right ?
WIFE : [ALMOST FAINTING ]
yes
KILUNDA : OHH, Mwangi my
good friend, keeping time ...
WIFE : Honey, why do you
ask?
KILUNDA : He came over to
my office this morning and
borrowed Kshs 10,000 from me promising to
bring it back to you at the house by 12pm, so
did he bring it?
The wife FAINTED!!!!"

29 Jul 2014 00:35

soo creative,& very funy,it made me bust with tears.cooool

29 Jul 2014 00:39

These r creative n crazy stuff they made ma nite ,,,guys u bomb it

29 Jul 2014 09:09

Near Mathare hospital,a mad man was chasing the senior doctor with a knife..The doctor was running for his life until he got to a dead end..

Thinking that was the end of his life,he knelt down and started pleading for his dear life.
When the mad man got closer, he handed over the knife to the doctor and said:"DOC take.... It's your turn to chase me..

29 Jul 2014 09:12

Hahaha..u crazy.u made my day

29 Jul 2014 09:15
Post is hidden!
29 Jul 2014 09:21

List of famous quotes by Interior Security cabinet Secretary, Joseph Ole Lenku after the # WestGate attack:

1. All the suspects have been arrested. police are looking for them.

2. I can confirm, although I am not certain that we have very good reason to believe that tomorrow is Wednesday.

3. Yes there were 15 to 20 terrorists. We managed to capture both of them!

4. We killed 5 terrorists, one committed suicide , The other 2 have been blocked by twitter.

5. One of the terrorist who was shot dead last week led us today to the hide out of the other 3 suspects.

6. KDF didn't steal they just held the valuables hostage.

7. We recovered 4 bodies from the rubble. Forensic investigation will determine whether they are really dead or pretending.

8. We had control of the building except for 4th floor,3rd floor and 2nd floor, but I THINK we had control of the building.

9. There were 15 terrorists, We killed 3 suspects, building collapsed on 5. All of them are dead.

10. All the terrorists were men except about three women .

Bonus - We managed to kill all the 5 terrorists, they were 15 in number!

29 Jul 2014 09:31

@Wiffyy,i love how you always shape my Day,please be My Brother,i need your funny jokes around me Daily, You are the Best! BIG Up

29 Jul 2014 10:15

u've made ma day guys

29 Jul 2014 13:21

EXAMINATION OFFICER: What's wrong? You are looking tensed? Did you forget your ID card or calculator?

STUDENT: Sir! I mistakenly brought tomorrow's examination cheating material today.

29 Jul 2014 13:24

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT IN EXAMS.....

- 1) Uko exam room alafu chopi wa daro anainua mkono anasema question 4 iko na shida na ushapata ansa....

2) Uko exam room alafu chopi fulani anaitisha graph paper na ushamaliza paper na hujaona mahali inatumika...

3) Uko exam room alafu invigilator anakam anasema uruke question 6 kwanza iko na shida wata rectify baadaye,na hiyo pekee ndio ulikuwa umeweza...

4) Uko exam rum halafu unaona watu wanatumia ruler na hujui ni kwa nini..

5) Uko exam rum,chopi anainua mkono anadai question 3 na 17 ni similar na umemaliza na hukunotice...

6) Uko exam room na unaona watu wako busy wako na shughuli ww tu umezubaa unashindwa uende wapi,ufanye nn...maisha ni ivo.

7) uko exam room but the only thing you rem is your name and reg no. Hata course name na code hujui.. Unangoja question paper ndio ucopy kwa ans booklet..

8) Unaomba rubber exam room na hujaandika chochote...

9) Uko exam room alafu invigilator anatoka nje kunyora na sa hizo ka chem kamekukalia ukigeukia neiba unakuta anadoz

10) uko exam room mwenzako anaomba extra foolscap ya essay wakati wewe umeweka hujafika ata nusu foolscap na mlipewa mbili!

11) That akward moment kwa exam watu wanchora diagrams na hata ujui ni nini unafaa kuchora. unaanza kuchora invigilator.

Edited by wiffyy / 29 Jul 2014 13:42
29 Jul 2014 13:42

Ooh ooh Kamau is now serving a life sentence Jail term.